DAYBYDAY

shellesstial:

You are amazing Gandpap Cesar.. one of the nicest person in this planet. Your love for us is noticeably inevitable. Now I’ve seen you again after months, why you dont look like before??? You kissed us, saying the sweetest things, cuddle us like you dont have any hour left. But now, you dont have even a little strength to buckle up your left part. Your head is covered by whites, your left hand is shaking, you became forgetful. But still, you are nice, you are so awesome, I can feel your care more than that. Even you speak reiterating words, I just stare you and reply the same words I answer to you. You lived without anyone for almost 6 years, since Mama Lydia left you. You didnt seek for your children’s attention, even you are 79 and counting. You are too precious to suffer now, too precious to break by a stroke. I know we have too much gap to fill to you, but now I am trying, I want to take care of you. Just listen as I speak my stories, feel my touch from and for my Dad too. I didnt say this to you before. I love you Papa Cesar, you are an angel.  

I am Shellie Kirstie M. Celestial, 44kg, almost 5ft tall. The only daughter of Analiza and Jessie Celestial who happened to depart to other nation to search for livelier pastures. I only have one brother, taller than me, slim than me. Since I was born, my parents got to go to the city to work, I am left to my Grandmother and my mother’s family. I am an honor student in nursery, even kinder level, also a dancer ever since. Until I came to my 1st grade, I am a shy, silent, cold girl back then. My parents departed to Greece, particularly in Athens. though I didnt remember most of those childhood memories, I only remember one thing, I don’t know who my parents are. I dont know why we had a family day when I dont even had my own family, parents rather. I continued to be an honor student, contests and activities I happened to join because of their choice(not mine), and I happened to won every time. And they happened to be sooooooo proud of me. And i feel so numb. Years passed so fast when I noticed I am grade 6 then. Mama and Papa arrived, I FELT SHY. Is this the ones who talks to me in the phone? They only stay for a couple of weeks because they say they are busy in work, and as I remember, we had a better life then until our family got arguments when Im in highschool. Family matters, money stuffs and everything nonsense. I kept numb, Im ignorant of what they are arguing about. Commencement exercise in high school, my parents are here for 15 days. 15 days of knowing each other and im 15. 15 days of fun and love that we are supposed to get when we are 15 days old, not 15 years old. again, they go back to the unknown place, Im still too young to understand the meaning of everything. Im now a 4th year CE student studying at Malayan Colleges Laguna. I didnt chose my school, nor my program. All I know is to finish studies with what degree they want.

And I now understand the meaning of my life. I didnt know what happened to me that I now feel that, I love my parents so much… And now, I realized what this family have done to us. My parents departed because of the huge debts they owe to our relatives, monetary and also debts of gratitude. I am slightly shocked about that fact, I shivered. I want to stab them in their heart. I lost my parents because of those nonsense things. Now, my family’s got more horrible. Poverty is felt more harshly in our house. My aunts and uncle live with us now. The two of them are drug addicted. they have children and own families, but they have no jobs. Only my parents are working hard to feed us, ALL OF US. The reason I allow the weap of my heart because of the absence of my parents’s love, is because they want to promise a bright, rich, and awesome future. HAHAHAHHAHAH. what happened? Defeated purpose, and miserable lives of their children. My brother kept not saying a word, he’s very silent. Is it good? not to care about anything in this family? he is not that silent, shy type boy back then. He was an active, playful boy with many friends, laughing loudly at everybody. He was traumatized at young age, when he saw the bloody, literally bloody, fights in our house, that time I was numb. He was the first to be affected by those arguments. Now, we are both miserable. Our lola kept saying that she took care of us but she didnt have her pay slip. (ow, is that our reponsibily to pay you?) Our aunts who supposed to help us financially, kept on asking money to us. They reasoned out that they took care of us when we are young. Is that so? so we should pay you back???? What the hell in this planet that we asked for your “taking care of us” that we should pay you financially? so that’s why you have no jobs now??? just asking money for my parents??? We didnt ask anything to my parents just to have some saved money so that we could start a new life together. and now you’re getting what we have thrifted??? Now, I unfortunately knew that since my parents are working afar from us, they are trying to feed not just their children, but also the children of their siblings and also their siblings. Not just feed, but they are asking for luxuries to my parents. just because YOU TOOK CARE OF US before????? You have the guts to….. F*ck! You are all stupid! kumbaga sa Tagalog, mga walang hiya kayo! Inalagaan nyo kame para masure na ang future nyo ay mayaman???? Mga TAMAD!!!! And now Im fighting for my pitiful parents, and still they reiterate our debts of their taking care. And ofcourse, for them Im the ignorant, because Im still young. For your information, we are the only one who have the knowledge, the only two who came to school. what guts you have to talk like that . Who do you think you are taking advantage with??? I have lots of talents, Im smart, Im brave, and I could turn my back and leave you all. 

I keep on praying that enlightenment comes on their way and help their own selves to have a fine own life. And I am still the girl, dreaming that I have a life with my own family, having our own house, own life, with no debts of gratitude at all.  I am hiding all these, with this big smile.

From our mothers womb, we are supposed to be cared by our family and we are their RESPONSIBILITY. Now they are the so called OFWs who are also called HEROES of the maiden land, we, their children are all the time miserable. They should be our father, our mother, to be with when we are growing, to held a hand and shoulder when we need to cry. Yess, we are miserable, DAMN MISERABLE. We didnt chose our families we live with now, nor pick up the life weve been through the years. We didnt beg for the help our our Aunt’s, Grandmothers, relatives and neighbors when we need it. We didnt ask for their love despite the absence of our parents. They are supposed to help us with a whole heart not for us to pay them in the future with the debt of a big gratitude. We are loved because we are who we are, not by blood domination or anything else. We can live by ourselves someday, by OURSELVES, not to pay our DEBTS OF GRATITUDE, and not for them to hope that they will be good in life in the future because of our monetary payment. Thank you. I WILL ONLY SAY, THANK YOU.